We all have issues..some more than others. Two of my issues stem from my mother. I've got a touch of the hoarding and some major paranoia. Hoarding is particularly painful for me because I know I shouldn't do it and yet I keep things way past the acceptable time or even far beyond for reasons that don't always make a lot of sense. In the past few years I've gotten better and made huge progress in donating large amounts of clothing and random items to various charities. It was hard to see a lot of it go but now that it is out of my way I do feel better and I think there has only been 1 or 2 things that I thought about later on as an ohh...maaaaybe I shouldn't have gotten rid of that but really it wasn't that important. I also mentioned paranoia. It is good practice to shred things with your name on it etc.. but I have a habit of letting that stuff build up and build up until finally it seems like an overwhelming pile and I sit on the floor with my shredder just putting things in until my back aches. This particular paranoia also goes into things like medications.... which brings me to:
photo a day #5
This is a picture of all the old prescription bottles that I just pulled the labels off of so I could cut them up into tiny pieces so no one could figure out what the medication was or who it was associated with. I recall I had more bottles at one time but right now there are 11 bottles ranging in size and dating back to as early as 2003. Why do I have these???? I know at one point I thought that I could reuse these bottles for something random like storing nuts and bolts or whatever random crap came to mind but honestly I don't need these. I almost.. *almost* posted this photo on facebook and asked if anyone had an art project these could be used for or props.. really???? really Megan??? that is highly weird. Hey good buddy wanna take these pill bottles off my hands? No, no one wants these and I should not be saving them. I will be taking one and putting it in my prop box and that is it. One...on the off chance I need it for a Serial Killers piece or something. I honestly did not recognize the names of the medications on half these bottles. Two of the bottles actually still had pills in it. I had to look one of them up and read the wikipedia on what it was for. My favorite passage of it was: "Its sedative-hypnotic and anterograde amnesia properties are sometimes used for criminal purposes"
Yup... not weird at all. If I could go back in time and take better care of myself and notate why I was given a medication and the name and date of when I took it I totally would. I think it is actually kind of scary that I didn't know what these medications were. I've always had trouble communicating with doctors so I think they were prone to quickly fix me instead of going deeper into the problem. Of course I was a child with a terrible immune system so I was used to constantly getting medications for my various strains of strep throat. Which led me to a tonsillectomy at the age of 21. Or rather age 20, a few days maybe weeks before my 21st birthday which I do not suggest doing. Surgery right before you turn 21 that is. I wasn't a drinker but still...made for a less fun time.
These bottles have now been thrown in the trash and I feel good about it. It seems silly but every time I throw something away it is actually quite a big step. Pat on the back for me.
Yesterday should have been my 3rd blog post of the new year...well..things didn't go as planned and I'm a little sad at already semi-failing on day 3 but to be fair I had taken my photo and had an idea about what I was going to write but ended up leaving work around 2pm because I was sick. I ended up getting home around 2:15pm tried to eat a little something and then got into bed at 3:30 and didn't wake up until Hans got home around 6:30. I tried to get up an have a conversation with him and ended up going back to bed. I woke up a few times during the night but ultimately I slept from 3:30pm until the next morning at 8am. I called in sick tried to eat some breakfast and went back to bed and proceeded to wake up at noon. Basically I'm all out of sorts and I can't really feel bad about missing something because I wasn't feeling well. However this is a pattern with me. When I get sick I tend to fee supremely guilty if I stay home from work etc.. because I know I'm letting someone down but by going in to work I'm just gearing myself up for feeling worse or making a mistake because no matter what the sickness is the first thing that happens is my brain gets all fuzzy and i have trouble focusing. I'm not even sure I will remember writing this later today. Blargh! Yesterday I took two photos and now to post them both:
Photo a day # 3
Yup, it's a picture of my shoes. I work in an office that doesn't have clients coming in and out so our dress code is super casual. A while back I decided that I was going to be as comfortable as possible at work because I don't see the need to dress like a slut at work. My office isn't an exclusive club, I'm not going to get kicked out of line for not dressing correctly and I'm not trying to impress anyone. I sit at a desk for 8 hours a day and when the need arises I work in a warehouse getting items ready to ship to our customers. I really don't need to be in 4 inch heels while lifting boxes and putting on UPS labels. Some days I think..wow Megan this is a whole new level of frumpy you got going on but ultimately I am comfortable and I can do a myriad of tasks without thinking twice. I think I'm pretty smart.
photo a day #3.5
This is Scout. When I came home to get into bed she was in the middle of it making it incredibly difficult for me to move her. But really I just couldn't bear it she was so cute rolled up in the blankets. I actually tried to sleep on the sofa so I didn't have to move her. I'm just that silly. I did eventually move her and felt bad about it right up until the point I fell asleep. I found it adorable that when Hans came home she had been sleeping next to my leg the whole time. I love her!
But there are definitely some remnants of Christmas hanging around. The tree is still up, there are opened presents hanging around under it and I still have the urge to eat everything in sight and wonder why there aren't bowls of pretzels, chips or chocolate on every table I see. I know I need to organize and that will get done this weekend but today was the day I go back to work. My morning did not go as planned. I got out of bed late, I was exhausted and my entire face was swollen for no reason and I was just plain confused. I was 15 minutes late to work and when I got there we had no internet. That honestly was kind of a bonus. I was actually able to catch up on work and not get distracted by emails that don't matter. But somewhere towards the end of the day I ended up getting my job duties rearranged in a way that is sure to make me overloaded and upset once things get rolling. I'm nervous and kind of upset about it but I know there is nothing to be done. I'm a smart girl and I work my ass off. My evening however was much much better.. which leads me to my photo-a-day
photo a day #2
This picture is of my friend Angela. We have known each other since elementary school and it is definitely a comfort to have her in my life. I always thought I was a bit of a nothing growing up so it is amazing that I have a number of friends from those early days who I still see or talk to from time to time. I also particularly like that those people who you meet early on in life are the ones who often come back to you and you still feel like you're part of a family. Angela is someone who I've always been impressed by. We both have crazy mothers and we both had different ways of dealing with things as we grew up. She is the kind of person who took control of her life very early on. If she wanted to go to France, you better believe she found a way to do it. She has always worked her ass off and I admire that. There came a point in my life that I felt that Angela was a little too cool for me and I admitted that to her this evening after we had a delightful dinner at Mohawk Bend where this photo was taken. It is not so much that I thought Angela was better than me (in fact it isn't that at all), I just didn't feel that I had lived my life to the fullest like I saw her doing and it was a little embarrassing. This is clearly just one of those things that an outside observer sees. I know she has had her fair share of struggles but I always took her ability to maneuver through diverse groups of people with such ease as a huge accomplishment that I couldn't help be intimidated as I am a terrible wallflower and constantly stick my foot in my mouth...usually in an attempt to be funny or honest. I'm not quite sure what the point of this post is. I think I just want to give praise to a wonderful, confident lady, because she is pretty damn awesome. I really truly hope that you have an Angela in your life.
I had a goal for myself last year and it was to make 2012 my bitch. Well, it didn't quite work. It wasn't a total failure, I did a number of things but it could have gone better and that is totally on me. So this year I'm making some challenges for myself. 1) photo a day. Now I know you're thinking...umm.. Megan that is kind of a lame challenge but I think it will be beneficial to being creative. I will take a photo and post it on here with maybe some reason as to why I took it or some observations about my day. 2) Hans gave me a challenge of recording a song a day. Now I think that is kind of crazy. Recording can take some major effort so I'm going to modify that challenge to maybe once a week or once a month...or if I do once a day it will just be snippets of me singing from my computer a capella. So many options!!!
Photo a day- picture #1
This little guy is Gumdrop. Well according to the tag anyway. The tag also tells me he has a birthday on October 12th. Yup, I'm an adult.
I decided to start 2013 with a picture of something that makes me happy. During Christmas Hans and I drove up to Sacramento to see my family and along the way I made him stop at Pea Soup Andersons. When I saw this little guy in the gift shop I just started giggling. I couldn't really stop and every time I look at it I smile. Hans bought this for me like the awesome boyfriend he is. So 2013, I hope you are full of smiles.
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